When I was in grade school, I always had butterflies in my stomach on the first day. Why? Because I was worried the teacher was going to butcher my name during roll call. I’m sure some of you can relate. You always knew when your name was about to be called because the teacher takes a long pause, and then there’s a look of panic on their face before saying, “Um…now, I hope I get this right…” Teachers called me “New-by-uh,” “Nuhh-be-ah,”and even “New-bah (totally forgetting the fact that there is an “I” before the “A” in Nubia). Giggling in the classroom always surmounted while I raised my hand, and said, “It’s Nubia (new-be-uh).”
Once the giggling died down, the teacher’s usual response was, “Oooh! What a beautiful name. Where is it from?” And my normal schpeal was: “It’s the name of an Egyptian Queen…blah, blah, blah.” And all of this, unfortunately, made me a little ashamed of my name.
Fast forward 20 years later, and you couldn’t force me to feel anything but pride when I say my name, see it in print, or hear it. And 20 years later, I am still asked the same questions, and it normally doesn’t annoy me—until one day recently. I started a new job a few months ago and a fellow new employee approached me to ask, “Nubia. What is that? Where are you from?”
“It’s Egyptian. I’m from America,” I replied, matter-of-factly.
“What about your parents then, where are they from?”
“Washington, DC, and they are American too,” I said a little annoyed. But I tried to be polite, because I figured she wasn’t trying to be rude.
Why is it that when someone doesn’t have a name like, “Sara” or “Lisa” it means you have to be from another country—that you can’t POSSIBLY be American? I love it when Americans label these “non-generic” names as “ethnic”. What does that really mean anyway? My name isn’t generic, it’s not ethnic; it’s just beautiful and unique. If I had a choice, I would pick that over an “American” name any day.
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July 26th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
This is interesting, I never really thought about it before I saw the tyra show recently where people were generalized based on their names and I wonder if I have not gotten a job or an interview because of my name. And yes like you my name has been butchered tremendously since it isn’t spelled the traditional way “Ebony”
It was eye opening to watch that show but did make me second guess what I will name my children, I want them to have the best chances to make it in life, and it saddens me that what I name them may have an effect on the chances they may get no matter how educated and qualified there are for a position. I have faith though that by the time I have kids and they are of that age it wont matter anymore. At least I hope it wont.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
This is an interesting piece. Its something I’ve thought about all my life because my entire name (which I wont spell out here) is as plain jane Queen’s English as you can get. I always wanted something with a bit more flavor and at one point in my life tried different spellings to spice it up. I’ve come to embrace my name, but it is so crazy how your name impacts how people treat you before they even know your character.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Ebonne – thank you for your comments! I agree, it is said when we have to second-guess what names to give our children because we don’t want them to have a rough time in school. I think it builds character though. Another funny note, one of my best friend’s is named Ebony and when she and I go out, we always get the best responses from men. They just can’t believe they are in the presence of an “Ebony” and a “Nubia” at the same time! =)
Kim – thanks for showing us the other side. I remember when I was filling out online applications for jobs and the race question would come up (for equal opportunity, etc.). I would think to myself, ‘If I leave it blank, it will look suspicious because my name gives it away!’
August 2nd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Great post, Nubia! It’s definitely something that occupied my thoughts. Ultimately though I’m incredibly proud of my name because my parents (Southerners in the late 60s and 70s) were coming of age in a time when they were actually proud to publicly claim our culture and show it in the way they named their kids. To come from that means a lot to me. I’d want to continue that tradition. About job opportunities – I figure if I was past over simply on account of my name then it’s an environment I clearly don’t want to be in and if my name protected me from that all the better right?
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 am
Ebony – I totally agree, I am sure that’s why my parents gave me this name, as well–especially with a father living in Harlem during the 50’s! =)
August 4th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Loved this post — so thought-provoking! I, too, disliked my name (Erica) as I was growing up, though for the opposite reason! I perceived it as being too simple, almost (dare I say) boring? Like another person mentioned, I considered changing the spelling (Erika? Ericka??). Ultimately in high school, I hyphenated it with my middle name, just to feel a bit more unique. As I matured into the “Charlotte” personality that I am today (read: Sex and the City, he he), I’ve really grown to see the name “Erica” as a reflection of elegance and timelessness.
I do have to say one thing though… When it comes to being accepted in the work place in particular and (society in general), I think problems arise when ethnic names aren’t authentic. This is especially an issue in the black community, where invented names like Shaniqua and Naquann show how misinformed the parents are.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Erica – Lovely response. It’s so interesting to hear you and others talk about it from the other angle! And I agree (no offense to anyone named Shaniqua), sometimes we can get a little too carried away with our creative names (my parents almost named my Egyptia and I am so glad they didn’t!), but hey, if parents don’t want 10 people turning heads when their child’s name is called, what better way than to create your own name? =)
August 4th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
It’s one thing to have people turn your heads when you hear a creative name, it’s another to have your resume trashed because they know your ethnicity before you walk in the door. How do parents prepare their children for that?
August 5th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Corynne – I know what you mean. As Ebony said, if the company is going to feel that way just by looking at a name, you probably don’t want to work there in the first place. If (when) I have kids, I am going to explain to them that you can be discriminated against on so many levels (hair, skin color, name, race, language), but at least you can have pride in all those things and let what other people say go in one ear and out the other. When you are proud, you will let nothing stand in your way of achievement.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
you go girl wit yo bad self! you is a inspireasean to blac hoes in our cummunitii.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
the first day of 8th grade i was new and i was so scared that my name was going to make everybody not talk to me and i was all like” yo if ya’ll dont want to talk to me cuz my name then ya’ll are really rude”an the next day i was sooo scared to go to school and wen i got there the rest of the day every class i had all the people would say they wish they had my name!! i was so grateful yo it was so happy
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:10 am
i have a danish last name and people ask me where that is from?? DO I GET OFFENDED? no. it’s interesting telling people my family history.
quit making yourself a victim…its ridiculous…
May 5th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I wld never EVER want a name lyk sarah jenny kate lisa…i LIKE being unique!!!!!
June 21st, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I can totally relate…my name is Imani and I was always afraid of my teacher mispronouncing my name as the way it is spelled, (eye-man-ee)or my friends calling me (ah-man-ee). And btw, the name Nubia is beautiful.
June 26th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
If somebody will trash your resume for having a “black name”, how do you get hired once you and your blackness walks in? Somehow, I don’t think most racists can be changed after a great interview.
I work in HR and there is a conservative cultural vibe, yet diversity is probably more likely to get your resume a second glance nowadays. The world is changing and 1 in 2 babies born today in America are “of color”. (I’m contributing with my own little one at the end of the year.lol) The worries our parents and grandparents had will be a non-issue at many corporations. Our kids need to be able to compete globally, and I will make sure my kids are prepared for the challenge…proud ethnic names and all. And who knows, if they are discriminated based on racial profiling, it might inspire them to become EMPLOYERS not employees.
Trust me…teach em Arabic or Chinese and they will always have options in the global marketplace.
August 7th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I am not black but I can relate to your experience of having an unusual name that is often difficult for people to pronounce. Because I am white and speak with a standard Midwestern accent though people automatically assume that I am American though they do ask if I have Swedish heritage (which I do incidentally but that is not why I have that name).
August 17th, 2009 at 4:53 am
God forbid anyone show any interest in your background! Or you for that matter! I have a Swedish name and I am American, but my parents named me after a Swedish friend who they held very dearly in their hearts. When people ask me if I am from another country I don’t get upset. It gives me an opportunity to share the orgin of my name, which is why my parents named me Magnus in the first place…to honor their friend.
Get over yourself. You don’t deserve a beautful name that is meant to encourage people to open up. You are much too negative.
August 24th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Fears of name discrimination are outdated paranoia. As you said, in this day and age most people wouldn’t want to work for racists anyway. I’m a 25 year old medical student… of course I’ve had insecurities about my name, but they’ve faded and made way to confidence. I’ll be damned if anyone claims my parents were “misinformed” when they gave me my black name. I am proud of who I am. I am Shaquita.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
It is one thing to give a child a unique family name, like after a grandparent. But to force a child into a typecast because you want them to be different or unique is irresponsible. If there were a child named Jebediah or Long-Feather you would have the same reaction.
August 26th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I agree with Manny S. A name that means something in another language or is culturally significant should be acceptable too. But naming your children with a complete disregard for the conventions of the English language is merely confusing. If these names conveyed any meaning, or were in some small way related to African roots, it would be different. But instead they are entirely made up. You might as well name your child after a number or a street name or an emotion. It’s unfair for the child growing up, and the parent’s lack of responsibility is blatant.
September 8th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Wow these are all great comments! Thank you all for your insightful comments.
Magnus, in response to your comment, yes it is fine if someone shows interest. The problem isn’t people showing interest, the problem is where the interest is coming from. Many minorities know that unfortunately, there are a lot of racist people out there still, and unfortunately, racists against minorities such as Blacks. A Swedish name may not influence someone not call you in for an interview, but an African name could give someone who already assumes minorities are “inferior” a different feeling. Nevertheless, unique names will always be a great conversation starter. It builds character when you are a child (because we ALL know how hard it is to be the LEAST bit different as a kid!), and it gives you something to be proud.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
this was agreat read Nubia! thank you very much! as you can all see my name is just as reg as… well what the other kim said lol! i remember when i was growing up i wished my name was ebony or shaniqua and other names be cause mine was so plain! then there was always ridicule and wispers that i thought i was etter because as a child i just hated when someone said Kim Bah Ly instead of Kim BER ly. i too tried spelling my name many different ways and to no avail. it was only when i researched the oigin of my name did i begin to like it. Kimberly is a town where kimberlites are mined… what are kimberlites? they are the vessels that transport diamonds t the earths crust * sorry i can be an uber nerd sometimes! lol*. when i learned that i felt powerful! like , if i can get a diamond to the earths crust i can do anything! o course not everyone thinks abut this when they hear my name, but i do and thats all that matters!
As far as having “ethnic” or “made-up” names i dont think that this would be a major issue nowadays… things arent the same anymore (they arent much better either but…) there is so much more diversity in the workplace and in the world where you never know whos going to wal thru the door. i now a few white women with names where they would prob be thought of as black from their resumes (alexis, monique, ebony, chile i even know a white Shaniqua, no BS!) but anywho thank you all for your insite i have been thoroughly entertained!!
January 14th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
As a former teacher, I would be remiss to ignore this conversation without telling you all what I’ve witnessed personally.
I’ve had students in my class with “exotic” names. Yes, they were difficult to pronounce, even time consuming, to compensate for any displeasure I may have innocently caused; especially in light of being in already over-crowded classrooms with students who were oftentime several grade levels below where they should have been. Young ladies especially took on “attitudes” that lasted for the duration of the school year–again, a terrible waste of valuable time which could have been better utilized teaching reading, writing and life-skills which even white girls named “Mary” need.
I struggled to be sensitive toward the feelings of these children, yet, felt it necessary to ensure they left my classroom feeling secure. Having said all of this, there are too many problems and set-backs in our curerent education system without making things more complicated with names. Solution: Let’s focus on good education, good character and other things that ensures success. Once a child becomes a successful, gainfully employed adult, he or she can re-name themselves literally anything and thumb their nose at anybody not liking that name.