Think you have nothing in common with Rihanna? Think again. Today, in her first public interview since the altercation with ex-boyfriend Chris Brown, Rihanna talks about her relationship with him and her perspective now. Correcting Dianne Sawyer she said, “it’s actually eight or nine times” women go back to the man after they’ve been physically abused. She also talked about how difficult and “embarrassing” it was to be in the situation amidst the public scrutiny.
After seeing the interview, for the first time since the incident in February, I felt a sense of connection with her. Having never being in a physically abusive relationship before myself, I always felt a sense of sympathy for her. But I was shocked when I saw pictures of her and Chris vacationing in Miami weeks later. And outraged when she choose to not testify against him in court.
Within all those emotions I never felt a sense of empathy because like I said before I’d never been in a physically abusive relationship.
But when I really thought about it, me and this girl–a couple months younger than me–had a lot more in common. Growing up I watched many women, in or close to my family, stay in all types abusive situations to “keep the family together” or “because its not that easy to start all over again”. They made conscious decisions to stay despite what it was doing to their happiness or the message it was giving to those looking up to them.
And in my own life I realized I’d put energy into a couple of unhealthy relationships because I wanted to see if things would eventually get better or had a fear of being alone. Excuses were always the deciding factor. How many of those eight or nine times did I fold?
Could my relationships decisions as an adult been affected by these women I watched as a young girl?
Rihanna said in the interview,
” When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result into some young girl getting killed. I could not be easy with that.”
“Even if Chris never hit me again, who’s to say that their boyfriend won’t? Who’s to say that they won’t kill these girls? I just didn’t realize how much of an impact I had on these girls lives, until that happened. It was a wake up call…big time.”
At the end of the day we can say we make decisions for ourselves and what others think doesn’t matter, but it does. Everything we do has an impact on someone else. We’re just fortunate if the scars don’t show.
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Danielle Kwateng is a faithful journalist who has written for Upscale Magazine, The Root and Black America Web. She lives in NYC and her blog, “The Lush Life”, explores the trails, tribulations and utter craziness of being a young black socialite with a moral conscious.
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