This week I tackle the hard question of whether women should open up their pocketbooks on dates.
Dear Tia,
I’m in my early 30’s and I’m single, but dating. My problem is simple: I have a hard time letting men pay when they take me out. It’s not that I’m dating guys who aren’t professionals or can’t afford to cover the bill. I just feel like I’m at a disadvantage when the gentlemen foots the expense; I don’t want anyone who I’m out with thinking that I owe him something. My girlfriends say I’m tripping. Am I? – Willing to Pay My Way
Dear Pay My Way,
I think you’re both right. In a traditional sense, it’s definitely appropriate to let a man court you. If he asks to take you on a date it is normal to expect him to pay for whatever type of entertainment you undertake that night. However, I also understand your perspective as well. In modern times traditional gender roles aren’t always applicable (especially given the economy), so if you’re uncomfortable about who should pay ask your date—beforehand. During the pre-date conversations get his perspective on what his expectations are and share yours.
In addition, I don’t think you should consider going out with anyone who you think would expect “physical compensation” after bankrolling a movie or dinner. Lastly, it’s important to consider a few things before you pull out your cash, especially on the first few dates. Do you always want to go Dutch or pay his way? Do you want to convey the message that you don’t think he can afford to finance your dates? Are you comfortable with the financial dynamic you’re establishing if the relationship moves forward? If the answer to each of these questions is no, keep your hands out of your wallet until you get to know your potential beau a bit better.
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