This week I answer tough questions about who makes the wedding party cut and is it better to forgive friends for foul ups or move on.
I have a lot of girlfriends who want to be in my upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, some of them consider me to be their best friends but the sentiment isn’t reciprocated. Do I have to include someone in my wedding party who’s a pal but not my bestie just because she expects it? – Busy in Baltimore
Dear Busy in Baltimore,
I’d like to borrow a line from Ms. Whitney Houston and say, “Hell, to the naw,” but the truth is there are a few variables to consider if you want to be a considerate friend. First, how important is it to this gal pal to be in a wedding? If she’s never been in one before—and may not be in the near future—getting cut may literally wound her deeply. Second, would she be a good addition to the bridal party? Really think about whether she’ll get along with the other bridesmaids and pull her weight, or more. Weddings are very demanding and even your closet friends may not be the ones best equipped to do the job. Last, are you fine with the repercussions of not including her in the wedding? Some people don’t handle rejection well and this may cause a rift, albeit temporarily, in your relationship. Your wedding is your day, so ultimately you should only have the people who you want standing by your side. When decide who does and doesn’t make the cut, I suggest talking to people who will not be in your party individually and letting them know what roles you’d love for them to play in your big day. Make sure to remind everyone that there’s much to do and you’ll need everyone’s help to make your day special.
When a friend upsets you by something they said, do you say something to then or get over it on your own and move on? – Punish or Pretend
Dear Punish or Pretend,
You are your biggest advocate. Don’t allow anyone to walk all over you or speak to you in a manner in which you don’t approve. However, there is an appropriate time and manner in which you should handle addressing such issues. Being confrontational in front of other people or during highly-charged situations is not productive because the person will likely be more focused on other things or respond with their ego. In addition, you shouldn’t confront people on every little issue, use your gut instincts to determine whether a person is trying to be condescending, exhibiting disrespectful behavior or simply saying something that can be taken out of context. A lot of people swallow their feelings because they don’t want to rock the boat but your silence is ultimately to your detriment. In addition, many people who bottle up their emotions end up exploding—and not always at the person who their anger should be directed. My tip is simply: Evaluate the situation and speak up for yourself when it is appropriate. If your friend values your relationship they’ll shape up or get shipped out.
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