This week I offer advice on relationships, drama and the kind of love that should have you running away in a hurry.
Dear Tia,
I’ve been dating this guy that I’ve known for almost 18 months. I’m 19 and he’s 21. We have a lot in common; our birthdays are even one day apart. But he has a lot of drama. After we hung out for a while he told me that he had a baby on the way. Despite that, he called and texted me all the time and that didn’t change even after we became intimate. He told me things – like he wanted us to take a trip together for our birthdays – that made me feel like he planned on being serious. He even called me once while his child’s mother was there and said that he wasn’t dealing with her anymore. I mean, who would say that in front of someone else? One night I told him how I felt about him via text and immediately things started to change. He said if he knew I was going to “catch feelings” he wouldn’t have started messing with me – I spent two hours on my sister’s bathroom floor crying my eyes out. We stopped seeing each other for a while, but that all changed once my sister intervened. She sent him an instant message saying how happy he made me and that he should stop playing. He said he didn’t know why we stopped speaking. I still love him. Should I approach him or wait? – A Teenage Love
Dear Teenage Love,
I say run, quickly. And don’t call him. People can say anything but their actions show you how they truly feel. That boy has game. He didn’t put his child’s mother on “blast” to benefit you, it was to hurt her and make sure she knows she can be replaced— and what he did “for you”, he did to you. His callous behavior when you expressed your feelings is comparable to what he did to his child’s mother.
We can’t help who we care about, but we can control what we do. I suggest you write out a list of the 10 top values you want your next boyfriend to have (i.e. loyalty, respect, etc…) and put it over your bed so whenever you’re talking to potential beaus you can size them up according to what you need. Don’t let your emotions and ego get in the way of what’s best for your life plan. I’m sure you have goals to achieve, friends to kick it with and other dudes to date—if not, find all of the above immediately. I implore you to heed my advice… or you’ll likely be this guy’s second – or third – baby’s mama. Don’t do it.
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