Image.  So much in our society revolves around how we look to others; our physical attractiveness, what clothes we wear, the type of cars we drive, the homes we live in, who our friends are, what we do for a living, and how much money we make.  We place an inordinate amount of value on how others see us; so much so that we often begin to lose touch with who we really are as we strive to stay ahead in the image game.  This sometimes spills over into how we arrive at conclusions about what we “should” have when it comes to relationships. What we have and what we do- our “resumes”— becomes the measurement by which we determine our worthiness.

Many women believe that having a great resume (educated, attractive, financially independent, etc.) somehow entitles us to a good relationship; that we should be first in line to get a box of prince charming-—or at least be ahead of the women who have what we consider to be less desirable qualifications.  Some of us will actually go so far as to verbalize this belief as we compare ourselves to others: “How does she have a man and I don’t?”

The flaw in the theory that we are our resumes, and that the “better” our resumes, the more worthy we are as mates, is that it causes us to miss out on a very fundamental truth about love and relationships.  It isn’t what we do or what we have, but who we are BEING that better positions us to attract the love that we are seeking.  When we get caught up in a story about who is worthy or unworthy of having a mate based upon looks, status and accomplishments, we push ourselves further and further away from the possibility of having authentic love.  We also perpetuate the very thing that we often claim to despise-superficiality.

When we begin to look inside of ourselves and focus on what really matters, we will come to a better understanding of what love is.  We will no longer ask the question, “Why her and not me?”  We will understand that with relationships, much like a job interview, the position isn’t necessarily filled by the candidate with the best resume; but by the one who is the best fit.

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Alisa and Angie are two single women who started the “Over the Story” blog for men and women to openly discuss the “stories” we have bought into about love relationships. By facilitating honest discussion about how these stories cause us to come to conclusions about how our relationships “should be”, Angie and Alisa challenge us to find the courage to debunk old myths, lies and tricks to create a relationship of our own design. They are also currently working on a book and an independent film that both examine and deconstruct commonly held myths about relationships. Visit OvertheStory to read more of their work.

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This week I give advice to a teen dealing with boyfriend drama. Read the full story

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This week I encourage a single male to continue his search for love. Read the full story

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This week I tackle the hard question of whether women should open up their pocketbooks on dates. Read the full story

This week I offer advice on relationships, drama and the kind of love that should have you running away in a hurry. Read the full story